With a little over a week remaining in the US, I seem to be asked one question these days. "So are you ready to go back to Uganda?"
"Yes in a way, but no." My answer probably doesn't make sense to some, but then again maybe it does. I recently read another missionary's blog and it explains the current state of my heart so well. So, I'm going to share her words to explain my thoughts...
"Two weeks and four days until I say goodbye to the comforts of home for seven months. I have anticipated these goodbyes for so long, and never imagined they would come, but they did, and they are hitting me like a freight train.
My excitement is about to catapult me to the skies, while my insecurities anchor me down. It has been a liberating year as I have released the security of a typical college education, my sweet friends, my dear family, and my fluffy white bed. Some hold more weight than others, but they still fill my mind when I think of the day of departure.
As my relationship with the Lord has deepened I have realized we have not been called to a comfortable life. I don’t want to wait around anticipating the possibilities; I want to help make them happen. These next months will not be easy or luxurious in the least, and that is okay.
I am learning that I am selfish, prideful, and vain. I have days where my flesh becomes judgmental. Every morning I rise in need of a savior, and every night I go to bed in need of a savior. When I surrender my faults he replaces them with humility, tenderness, and joy. Joy comes in the morning, and today is a new day. Praise be to God for gracing me with this opportunity to be a vessel for his Kingdom. And today His grace is something worth celebrating."
Sitting here 11 days out, I, Chelsie Hogan, am ready. Ready to drive into the village and embrace the Sozo Women, ready to squeeze the orphans of Sozo Children, ready to pour out God's love on the people of Uganda, ready to learn more of the language, ready to build more relationships, ready to see what more God has for me.
Selfishly I am not ready ... not ready to leave the comforts and conveniences of life in America. Selfishly I'm not ready to leave my bed for a bunk bed for the next 6 months, not ready to live without air condition again, not ready to have mosquitoes buzzing in my ear as I try to sleep, not ready to have a constant trickle of sweat running down my shirt, not ready to have stained feet from the red dirt, not ready to eat rice/beans & potatoes every day. I'm not ready to miss more best friends get married and give birth. I'm not ready to leave my mom in a state of physical pain, not ready to leave my dad who needs help to get everything done in a day, not ready to leave my sister and our love for weekend travel adventures.
But the last 2 months in America I am thankful for. I no longer take the things for granted that I used not to not think twice about. When I have gotten in the shower I thank God for hot water, when I wash my hands I thank God for running water, when I fill up my water bottle I thank God for clean water that will not put me in the hospital with typhoid fever. And the list goes on and on and on! My worst day in America will never even compare to the best day for my village women in Uganda.
And for that I am grateful and reminded that God has placed this calling on my life to live a life of radical obedience despite the comforts and conveniences I am giving up. As David Platt says it best "Radical obedience to Christ is not easy... It's not comfort, not health, not wealth, and not prosperity in this world. Radical obedience to Christ risks losing all these things. But in the end, such risk finds its reward in Christ. And he is more than enough for us."
I look forward to experiencing more unforgettable memories like the ones from my last 5 month stint in Uganda, captured in this video https://www.youtube.com
Made for MORE,
Chelsie
